Different Christmas

First of all, I would like to wish you all a blessed Merry Christmas! 

I have always loved Christmas. Not Chinese New Year, not really my birthday, not any other holiday. But Christmas. I don't know why... I have just always loved it and words aren't really going to explain why. Maybe it's because of the love and the family gatherings. Maybe because it's a celebration of Jesus' birthday. Maybe because of both. I have always found it different and special than other occasions.

Somehow, it's different this year. Christmas, I mean. Usually on Christmas' Eve, we'd have a family gathering with turkey and mashed potatoes, curry, lasagne, egg salad etc. We would all gather at the living room after the Christmas' Eve dinner then maybe do some carolling among ourselves then we would open presents! Then after, the adults would just gather there talking among themselves about adult stuff and we kids would go off outside and play or talk among ourselves too. Just pure fun family time.

Unfortunately, this year its different. The Christmas tree is no where to be seen. The decorations aren't hung up around the house. There isn't the smell of delicious Christmas food coming from the kitchen. The house is so quiet this year you could hear a pin drop. With grandma and my aunt being away in Melbourne this year, there isn't even a little get together with nice yummy food. I don't have the Christmas spirit this year. Its just no where to be found.

This year's Christmas is only dad, mom, my brother and I being home. No special dinner. No carolling. No presents. Only went out to Hills for taro balls and grass jelly. But not the whole little family. My brother is addicted to his laptop and his games its silly. He coops himself up in his room the whole day and sometimes even manages to survive without breakfast or lunch. His addiction is getting worse and we can't even get him out of his room unless it's to buy more pc games. So, it was only dad, mom and I who went out for dessert just now. I got sick this Christmas... I have a cold and it sucks so bad I have no words for it. Currently just sitting here wrapped up in warm jackets and blankets while typing out this post with this heavy head and runny nose.

Nothing special this year. I can only hope for a better Christmas next year. I miss the past Christmases. 

,xx

Food, Fun, Laughter and after feelings.

Believe it or not, I am actually standing while writing this post.

I am so stuffed and bloated I have the urge to just puke it all out now ughhh should not have stuffed myself with food!! I tend to always feel all this regret and guilt whenever I eat too much or eat stuff that I really shouldn't have eaten. Its just insane.

Just got back from Hui's house after steamboat and had a quick shower to get rid of the fried food smell... Unfortunately, it's still in my hair. Though I must say, the food was amazeballs!!! I restricted myself to only the soup part with fishballs and all that steamed stuff and a few fried tofu and fishmeat or crab or something. Surprisingly managed to not get my hands on any meat today! We were supposed to watch a scary movie but the guys didn't bring it so... We just talked and stuff and idk but I think the guys were high on crack or something tonight because they were laughing at everything idek man. I was mainly just a silent bystander... Listening and laughing along whenever appropriate. Invisible 4 lyf yo~

With me on my p and tonight's food loot, I'd have to work extra to get rid of the bloating :\ I honestly hate exercising when I'm having my time of the month. It's just icky. But then, I feel bad and cranky and just plain annoyed that I didn't work out or do stuff about it and have to live with all this flab. I AM SO INDECISIVE IT SHOULD BE ILLEGAL.

I noticed that this year I haven't really made a change in my body :( it's actually really dissappointing because I have tried everything and its still the same. I have only managed to maintain my weight but though sometimes it flunctuates up and down. DOWN WOULD BE GOOD RIGHT NOW OK. Ok i won't rant much on this cos it would just be pointless. Just gonna say that I am really pissed at myself for not being hard working and determined enough is all.

I guess this is it for this post. Will update sooner or later!!! Gonna read some fanfics he he he

p/s I plan to have like a horror movie marathon at my home soon when my tv gets fixed he he he

BTW GUYS I AM REALLY ADDICTED TO WATCHING BOB'S BURGERS RECENTLY. It's a really cool cartoon. Google it if you want! Till whenever~

,xx

A whole lot of stuff

Hellooooo. Before I write this post, I shall just make a quick checklist about its contents lol ok so,

• new hobby
• new phone cases
• aching fingers
• pokemon, Legend of Korra
• feelings(shitty as per usual)
• jogathon
• sports day

So basically those are the stuff I'm gonna talk about this post. Btw, my fingers are either numb or in pain. Or maybe both. I'm like typing with my right hand only now because it hurts a ton when the tip of my left hand fingers touch anything ;-;


Guess you're probs wondering why my finger tips hurt. Well, recently I decided to take up a hobby and hopefully it'll blossom into something I can be good at. I started playing guitar! Well technically not just started...I mean I played before but only for a month or so because I was fed up with the teacher because she made it soooooooo boring. Now I'm playing again but learning at my own speed(which is if I do say so myself, way, way more relaxing and fun then having a boring guitar instructor). Plus acoustic guitar is easier to self learn....I think. Well that's what I heard from many people anyway. I promised myself to finish learning guitar so that I would be able to use it as a form of relaxation and entertainment. Also because I really wanna be good at at least one instrument or I'll feel super nubby... look!

My new baby(but I have many babies e.g. my phone)(ok that sounds kinda wrong...but yeah)

Started shopping on ebay with dad! We are suckers for phone accessories. Bought like two cases and hopefully going to get more soon. One of them arrived yesterday! It's the retro US flag cover. Love, love, LOVE it to bits! Waiting for my Stitch! cover to arrive soon... I am in nerves because I'm not what you would call patient...?

YAY

Umm so like, if you've been reading my tweets, you would know that I recently got addicted to pokemon(again!) and also Legend of Koraa(which I am sad because I've finished the first season and I have no idea when season 2 is coming out). Playing pokemon pearl now and hoping to finish soon. Gotta reach my goal over the weekend and train my empoleon to level 60/65. Kinda betted with Ambrose on it because he said he would beat me and his is at level 41 now but mine's at level 47 so like yeah. May the best trainer win. Ok you guys just have to watch Legend of Korra ok. I don't really watch animated shows but seriously this one is the best after  avatar Aang the last airbender.

I hate being ignored, looked down upon, completely disregarded, left out, misunderstood, blamed for everything and all that shit. I'm sure everyone hates it. So don't fucking do it to someone else if you don't want to be treated like that. I won't talk about it much because I am not that kinda person. I'll probably rant on twitter though. And I hate how some people can be such a bitch about little things. Fuck you ok. You always think you can do whatever you want to people and they aren't allowed to get mad and stuff then if we do it back to you, you go all ape shit and throw a bitch fit. I am talking bout both guys and girls. Just cause we can tolerate what you throw at us does not mean we like it. But if you want to be a bitch then ok, get ready to be treated like one.

I actually have to sleep real early and sleep a lot in the noon tomorrow because I have a night run to go to tomorrow night. Unfortunately, my p is here so I'm not sure if I'll be running or not. Let's hope my p ends asap by tomorrow and pray to God that it won't rain this heavy tomorrow night! Kinda pumped for it but also discouraged by umm you know, my p lol. Was supposed to go for training but it keeps raining gashjgfashj super annoyed. Plus I haven't exercised or ran in days. I feel so guilty. 

Anyways, busy, busy, busy! Next week is gonna be like super busy! With sports day for three days and a day of senamrobik on Tuesday, we would only have a day of school next week! More time for revision yay(hopefully). No wait...I have duty during sports day ;-; ok so nevermind... at least there won't be homework. Speaking of homework, I have tons to do this weekend!

• english essay
• chemistry report
• add math
• bm tatabahasa
• guitar practice
• revision

I'm packed!!!!!!!!

Ok deep breathes B. 

So that's all for this post I guess. p/s wow my mood during the post changes hahahahaha(if you noticed anyway). Pokemon for a bit then off to bed! 

, xx

Alone Time

Hello! Finally got off being lazy and decided to get on the laptop to update abit here :) I've been super lazy recently and I just couldn't be bothered updating mainly because I didn't have a topic to write on or to update about because my life is THAT boring.

Anyway hey guys. It's been long eh? I actually have tons to say but I have no idea how to put them in words... here goes nothing.

Honestly I've been feeling so down these few weeks. I can't say why because I don't know why. I'm usually a texter but I just couldn't be bothered replying anyone or tweeting that much even and fyi I usually tweet alot. I need someone to tell me what's up or that's its okay to not be okay but everyone just keeps saying "you've been thinking too much". I hate that sentence. I mean, umm hello? I have a brain of course I use it to think. That's what its for. And I really rather much plan ahead so therefore I think and brace myself for whatever that comes. Although some events are just really unforeseen.

Everything isn't going right. And I know, I know, I should be grateful that I have an already good life. But sometimes you can't genuinely be happy. I can't explain it really but its like, even when you already have most things in life, you just still aren't happy. Like even if its already good but you feel that its not good enough. I think that's how to explain it? I mean I do try to be happy. Exercise makes me happy but then friends and family keep telling me I have an obsession towards it. Let me clear things up. I do not have an obsession with exercise, I merely just love it because it makes me happy and healthy and it helps me clear my mind. Whenever I exercise, I tend to just forget every single thing that bugs me. I hate it when I don't get to go run or jog a few rounds and sweat my ass off. It annoys me and puts me into a really bad mood because I don't want to be fat ever again. I worked my ass off losing those kgs and I do not want to go back. That is mainly why I get so frustrated and annoyed when I don't exercise because then you feel yourself rotting from the inside and you can feel the fat start building. I absolutely hate it when friends say I'm too self concious. I mean what is wrong with me trying to lose weight and get into shape? At least I'm actually trying to make myself happy. And at least I don't starve myself or anything.

Secondly, I think its my messed up feelings. I don't like like anyone right now(yes I'm serious). I just cannot be bothered to go through another relationship because those things suck. I guess it just isn't my time to be in one yet. I want a relationship where from best friends blossom into something more. I don't want hookups or any shit like that because it is just plain BS. Yes I watch a lot of romantic comedies where the girl or guy usually ends up with the guy or girl helping them or who is their best friend but didn't realise they love them since the start. I'll just let time do its thing now. But sometimes I do feel lonely whenever seeing couples go all lovey dovey around me. I miss that but I just..I'm sick of it sometimes too. Yes I am very complicated. I also found out a few things about past relationships but its too late now so whatever then.

School. Ahhhh that word just might drive me insane. Don't get me wrong now. I'm okay with school and going to school but the pressure in homework and exams and expectations and everything is just driving me insane. I really need help in some subjects(especially add math) but I just don't know how to get it. I need to improve. I have to improve on everything if I want to get a scholarship and hopefully go overseas(preferably AUS or UK or NZ) to further study. I myself have high expectations for myself. I need to start actually getting to work on it rather than just rant about it like now /slapsself/ I don't want to burden my parents in the money area...Even if they really wanted to pay for me to go I would just feel real guilty...

I don't know how to put the rest into words right now so I might just stop here. In short I would just really rather be alone and spend time alone these few recent weeks. No one to judge me, no one to tell me I'm "thinking too much", no one to disturb me. Just peace and quiet with my own thoughts. Though sometimes even my own thoughts drive me mental...

Parent Teacher meet tomorrow! Not looking forward to wake to up 6am but I guess I have no choice because mom and dad are working tomorrow. Have to go early to get report cards then head back home maybe to sleep or to go run since I'll be busy tomorrow night attending xinjie's performance.

That's it for this one. Till whenever! Shall watch some Legend Of Korra episodes to get things off my mind!

, xx

School Day

I know you're gonna be like omfg what?!?!?!?! Did she just titled her post School Day on a Saturday?!?!?!?! Yes? No. Okay well that's good. Um so yeah today was a school day. I guess they decided to replace an actual school day so that we'll have holidays that day... OK I made myself confused as well...

Moving on...

So hi! I just got back from a useless day at school(I'm not joking man. It really was pointless...We only had like a few lessons during the 6 periods there.). Prefect duty was so-so I guess. I don't know man..I didn't really have the mood today. So today was just boring. I don't know why but my class seems so free and stuff. I mean its like the teachers are constantly absent and everything. So we have tons of free periods doing nothing(I honestly wonder how our class is going to sit for the coming exams /facepalm). Pure nothing lol. Condolences to my history teacher and her family. Her dad passed away recently :( she hasn't been in school for a week or so now.

I hate the fact that I can't talk with Ivy as much as before :( Duties are getting in the way of everything! Thank God we have tuition together though... Bright side is Xinjie has been chosen as a prefect too! Best news is that she's in the same group as me!!!!(Yes I kinda prayed and hoped for it hehehehe thank you God for answering my prayers~) But still, I miss Ivy :( it's like niggaaaaaa why didn't they choose you?!?!?!?!?!?! I love you anyways so no worries!

So there's this new girl in my class... I don't know why but I just don't like her(yet). I mean, it seems that she's craving for attention acting all cute and shit with her smile pout or whatever that face is(ew ew ew lala alert). AND she is actually getting the attention. I mean like why wouldn't she pfft, she literally has the whole package(white skin, rosy cheeks, nice hair, big eyes, boobs.........., squeaky girly voice, thin body and all that). I don't know I just find it really annoying how all of the boys(and girls) are going gaga over her(especially a certain someone but let's not go there). Ughhhhhh just get over her will you guys(I know, I know, you guys think I'm jealous)(Idk man maybe I am maybe I'm not)(I can't answer that? lol)?

I hate clingy people. I hate people who back stab you or front stab or whatever kind of stab. If you wanna be my friend then do it and mean it. You don't have to go through the trouble of being a fake one then backstabbing me and shit. I mean, do you not have a life? Do you not have something else better to do with your life than invade mine? Seriously, do you need to stoop so low? I just plain hate people sometimes. If you don't like me or w/e then don't. Just move on and go on with your sad life. I'm not some train station or bus stop for you to stop along the way and hang and then just leave whenever you want to ok. Gosh you people are so immature sometimes. Words cannot describe my hate for you lot. And if you like her more then go lah. Go be with her lah. Since she's so ""pretty"" and ""nice"" and has ""boobs"". Go lah. Just leave before my feelings get the hold of me. I am confused ok. It's like one minute you make it seem like you might just like me just a little and the next you don't talk to me and just give me silent treatments. I feel like screaming in your fucking ear asking you to make up your mind. Don't make me feel this way. It's not cool and I don't want to feel this way. I hate having feelings sometimes. Having feelings make everything more complicated and shit. If only I had a way of locking away all my feelings, I would be so much happier...

I have this fear that she is going to take away everything I love from me. Friends and all... I've heard about her. About how good she is... Do you ever feel that way? Its like, its not jealousy, its just this fear of not being good enough. Of being replaced. Yes...replaced... I don't want to be replaced. I love everything I have now(even if they don't know it but I do)(I cherish all of you)(I especially do not want to lose you). I'm already so insecure about myself... Having her around makes everything worse. Sometimes I wish she was never here(I know its a selfish thought but yes I wish). I won't be able to handle being replaced fgfdsgahjkfdasghkl (I might just die)

I guess that's that for this post. Feeling super shitty right now... I miss talking to Ivy. Nigga I need you but you don't reply my texts :( Not to mention at school you always talk to Pris instead of me nowadays D: Shout out to Xinjie lol(I hope what you said about him is true hehehehehe)


, xx