A whole lot of stuff

Hellooooo. Before I write this post, I shall just make a quick checklist about its contents lol ok so,

• new hobby
• new phone cases
• aching fingers
• pokemon, Legend of Korra
• feelings(shitty as per usual)
• jogathon
• sports day

So basically those are the stuff I'm gonna talk about this post. Btw, my fingers are either numb or in pain. Or maybe both. I'm like typing with my right hand only now because it hurts a ton when the tip of my left hand fingers touch anything ;-;


Guess you're probs wondering why my finger tips hurt. Well, recently I decided to take up a hobby and hopefully it'll blossom into something I can be good at. I started playing guitar! Well technically not just started...I mean I played before but only for a month or so because I was fed up with the teacher because she made it soooooooo boring. Now I'm playing again but learning at my own speed(which is if I do say so myself, way, way more relaxing and fun then having a boring guitar instructor). Plus acoustic guitar is easier to self learn....I think. Well that's what I heard from many people anyway. I promised myself to finish learning guitar so that I would be able to use it as a form of relaxation and entertainment. Also because I really wanna be good at at least one instrument or I'll feel super nubby... look!

My new baby(but I have many babies e.g. my phone)(ok that sounds kinda wrong...but yeah)

Started shopping on ebay with dad! We are suckers for phone accessories. Bought like two cases and hopefully going to get more soon. One of them arrived yesterday! It's the retro US flag cover. Love, love, LOVE it to bits! Waiting for my Stitch! cover to arrive soon... I am in nerves because I'm not what you would call patient...?

YAY

Umm so like, if you've been reading my tweets, you would know that I recently got addicted to pokemon(again!) and also Legend of Koraa(which I am sad because I've finished the first season and I have no idea when season 2 is coming out). Playing pokemon pearl now and hoping to finish soon. Gotta reach my goal over the weekend and train my empoleon to level 60/65. Kinda betted with Ambrose on it because he said he would beat me and his is at level 41 now but mine's at level 47 so like yeah. May the best trainer win. Ok you guys just have to watch Legend of Korra ok. I don't really watch animated shows but seriously this one is the best after  avatar Aang the last airbender.

I hate being ignored, looked down upon, completely disregarded, left out, misunderstood, blamed for everything and all that shit. I'm sure everyone hates it. So don't fucking do it to someone else if you don't want to be treated like that. I won't talk about it much because I am not that kinda person. I'll probably rant on twitter though. And I hate how some people can be such a bitch about little things. Fuck you ok. You always think you can do whatever you want to people and they aren't allowed to get mad and stuff then if we do it back to you, you go all ape shit and throw a bitch fit. I am talking bout both guys and girls. Just cause we can tolerate what you throw at us does not mean we like it. But if you want to be a bitch then ok, get ready to be treated like one.

I actually have to sleep real early and sleep a lot in the noon tomorrow because I have a night run to go to tomorrow night. Unfortunately, my p is here so I'm not sure if I'll be running or not. Let's hope my p ends asap by tomorrow and pray to God that it won't rain this heavy tomorrow night! Kinda pumped for it but also discouraged by umm you know, my p lol. Was supposed to go for training but it keeps raining gashjgfashj super annoyed. Plus I haven't exercised or ran in days. I feel so guilty. 

Anyways, busy, busy, busy! Next week is gonna be like super busy! With sports day for three days and a day of senamrobik on Tuesday, we would only have a day of school next week! More time for revision yay(hopefully). No wait...I have duty during sports day ;-; ok so nevermind... at least there won't be homework. Speaking of homework, I have tons to do this weekend!

• english essay
• chemistry report
• add math
• bm tatabahasa
• guitar practice
• revision

I'm packed!!!!!!!!

Ok deep breathes B. 

So that's all for this post I guess. p/s wow my mood during the post changes hahahahaha(if you noticed anyway). Pokemon for a bit then off to bed! 

, xx

Alone Time

Hello! Finally got off being lazy and decided to get on the laptop to update abit here :) I've been super lazy recently and I just couldn't be bothered updating mainly because I didn't have a topic to write on or to update about because my life is THAT boring.

Anyway hey guys. It's been long eh? I actually have tons to say but I have no idea how to put them in words... here goes nothing.

Honestly I've been feeling so down these few weeks. I can't say why because I don't know why. I'm usually a texter but I just couldn't be bothered replying anyone or tweeting that much even and fyi I usually tweet alot. I need someone to tell me what's up or that's its okay to not be okay but everyone just keeps saying "you've been thinking too much". I hate that sentence. I mean, umm hello? I have a brain of course I use it to think. That's what its for. And I really rather much plan ahead so therefore I think and brace myself for whatever that comes. Although some events are just really unforeseen.

Everything isn't going right. And I know, I know, I should be grateful that I have an already good life. But sometimes you can't genuinely be happy. I can't explain it really but its like, even when you already have most things in life, you just still aren't happy. Like even if its already good but you feel that its not good enough. I think that's how to explain it? I mean I do try to be happy. Exercise makes me happy but then friends and family keep telling me I have an obsession towards it. Let me clear things up. I do not have an obsession with exercise, I merely just love it because it makes me happy and healthy and it helps me clear my mind. Whenever I exercise, I tend to just forget every single thing that bugs me. I hate it when I don't get to go run or jog a few rounds and sweat my ass off. It annoys me and puts me into a really bad mood because I don't want to be fat ever again. I worked my ass off losing those kgs and I do not want to go back. That is mainly why I get so frustrated and annoyed when I don't exercise because then you feel yourself rotting from the inside and you can feel the fat start building. I absolutely hate it when friends say I'm too self concious. I mean what is wrong with me trying to lose weight and get into shape? At least I'm actually trying to make myself happy. And at least I don't starve myself or anything.

Secondly, I think its my messed up feelings. I don't like like anyone right now(yes I'm serious). I just cannot be bothered to go through another relationship because those things suck. I guess it just isn't my time to be in one yet. I want a relationship where from best friends blossom into something more. I don't want hookups or any shit like that because it is just plain BS. Yes I watch a lot of romantic comedies where the girl or guy usually ends up with the guy or girl helping them or who is their best friend but didn't realise they love them since the start. I'll just let time do its thing now. But sometimes I do feel lonely whenever seeing couples go all lovey dovey around me. I miss that but I just..I'm sick of it sometimes too. Yes I am very complicated. I also found out a few things about past relationships but its too late now so whatever then.

School. Ahhhh that word just might drive me insane. Don't get me wrong now. I'm okay with school and going to school but the pressure in homework and exams and expectations and everything is just driving me insane. I really need help in some subjects(especially add math) but I just don't know how to get it. I need to improve. I have to improve on everything if I want to get a scholarship and hopefully go overseas(preferably AUS or UK or NZ) to further study. I myself have high expectations for myself. I need to start actually getting to work on it rather than just rant about it like now /slapsself/ I don't want to burden my parents in the money area...Even if they really wanted to pay for me to go I would just feel real guilty...

I don't know how to put the rest into words right now so I might just stop here. In short I would just really rather be alone and spend time alone these few recent weeks. No one to judge me, no one to tell me I'm "thinking too much", no one to disturb me. Just peace and quiet with my own thoughts. Though sometimes even my own thoughts drive me mental...

Parent Teacher meet tomorrow! Not looking forward to wake to up 6am but I guess I have no choice because mom and dad are working tomorrow. Have to go early to get report cards then head back home maybe to sleep or to go run since I'll be busy tomorrow night attending xinjie's performance.

That's it for this one. Till whenever! Shall watch some Legend Of Korra episodes to get things off my mind!

, xx

Typical Saturday with a twist

Heavy eyes now but shall update you guys abit about my day :)

We had school activities today so I woke up really early...I slept at around 2am maybe yesterday(which was a bad idea) and woke up at around 6-ish in the am. Was supposed to go for swimming but Ivy wasn't going and I had my period still so we skipped and went straight to school. Met up with Xinjie and Ivy and headed to Leo for the weekly meeting but no one was in the room so we left and went to find Pris to see if she needed help for the school mag. I could tell she was really stressed out over it :( I honestly wanted to help but I didn't know what to help with... I felt so bad!

Leo was kinda boring so we left again and went to check up on Pris to see if she was still sane. Today was pretty hot so I was sweating all over ughhh I hate sweating when I'm not supposed to! It's so annoying and makes you feel sticky and icky ewww

Sent Ivy off then Xinjie and I went to hills to get her special someone's present! I have to say the present is pretty cool heh. It's like this iPhone casing that got splashed with droplets of water? Yeah guess you could say it like that. I was craving for guavas and sweet corn juice so we went over to Parkson to get them! After the long wait, I finally satisfied my cravings yum! You guys should try the sweet corn juice. It's A+!!! They blend sweet corn and some milk and some other stuff which I'm not sure of but its goooood. Xinjie suddenly had her cravings for some Oreo McFlurry so we walked down to McDonald's to get some but just her luck, they didn't have it today! She was kinda bummed so we ordered a set instead for her lunch. Maybe ours... because I ate half of her french fries.

That's Xinjie's lunch for you.

I wasn't planning on eating anything for lunch but oh well... because we were gonna go to Fullhouse at Hills during the night for Bev's early birthday dinner. 

When I went home I was actually supposed to study, which I did but it only lasted for an hour(I am honestly freaking out because exams are week after next and I haven't started!!!!!!!)(Stupid school who had to make us all suffer by pushing the exams a week earlier than planned) Speaking of exams, this one's gonna last for two weeks. TWO FUCKING WEEKS UGHH. And they wonder why students nowadays go mental... Ok anyway, I slept the afternoon off because I was just so tired(this is what happens when you know there is school but still sleep late). 

Woke up at around 6pm which is later than planned and had to rush off to exercise before heading to Fullhouse. I need to exercise ok. I don't care if I'm gonna be late because if I don't exercise or sweat my butt off, I'll feel guilty and fat then I'll  probs beat myself up from the insides for not sticking to plan...(yes I am a health conscious freak. Cue all the critics) I don't see it as a bad thing because it kinda motivates me to push myself further and get healthier. Exercising always makes me feel better for some sick reason. It helps me to clear my mind and stuff like that.

When I got back it was already like 7pm(the dinner was supposed to start at 6.30)(oh well forever late because of my health conscience). I rushed like a mad man on rampage to get ready. I was pretty proud for being able to reach there at around 7.30 ish. Which proves I'm getting better at procrastinating yay(no guys do not follow in my footsteps. trust me. getting burned by your hairdryer and knocking into beds and table along the way is not cool unless if you think bruises are cool then ok why not) I actually reached the place in time but I was literally shaking(i couldn't even text properly lol) I don't really know why... Maybe because I was in such a hurry and all my adrenaline went up? Ya ok not too sure myself.

Fullhouse was ok I guess. It was my first time being there but omfg the food is so expensive I cannot even... I ordered the club sandwich and it costs me RM13.90. The portion was small... Managed to finish most of it though except 1/4 of it hehehehe I also had a banana milkshake. It was bleeeergh because the after taste tasted like panadol. I hate panadol... But all in all it was ok. I like the layout of the place. Makes you have this tea party vibe yeaaah buddy 

Credits to Bev for this photo! Stole it from her Instagram because mine didn't have 3G plus I did not take any photos :( From left: Me, Ivy, Angelina and Bev!

Truth be told, I didn't actually want to go because exams were coming and I am freaking out big time. But then after all it was Bev's early birthday dinner so I went for her yay

(But my secret motivation was this)

I saw hot guys and there was good food so yes I am happy.

*SHOUT OUT TO MORGANE because she tweeted me and asked me to write about her so here goes... Hi~~~~~~~ I'm so sorry for not being able to write a good ghost story. I keep having writer's block! I promise when inspirations hits I'll write you one hahahahaha And it's been so long since I've seen you!!!!!!! Hoping to see you more often. Maybe send you some hand written letters through Xinjie cos I'm romantic like that hehehehe

Ok I guess that's it for now. Till the next time!(which will probably be after exams? or maybe during the break period of exams) Oh and I might not be blogging for 5 days during the 2nd week of June holidays because I'll be at Leo forum...I might blog if there is internet connection and hopefully a laptop though!

,xxx

Confidence?

I have been doing covers since back in 2010. I've only did like...4? I'm not sure lol. Anyway, point is, I stopped doing them for a while because people told me I wasn't good enough. I believed them. I mean, sometimes even when you say you don't care what people say about you, no matter how much you try not to care, you will anyway(secretly maybe). AM I NOT RIGHT?

So I just posted a cover of Ed Sheeran-Lego House on my facebook...super worried about it because I haven't posted a cover in ages since I was told I couldn't sing. I know I'm not good enough but at least I try hard right(or maybe not)...

Don't you just hate that feeling of worrying what people think about you and not being good enough and stuff like that? I do... it's just idk man it's like ughhhhh(I DON'T HAVE THE WORDS TO EXPLAIN IT OK).

I watched 10 Things I Hate About You yesterday and I really love the storyline!

"Why should we care what other people think about us? Why should we make them happy instead of ourselves?"-Catarina

I mean honestly I wished I didn't have to care about what people say. If you like it, just do it. But no, unfortunately we all care. Even if we don't admit it. We are all hypocrites. And that is the sad truth...

I was kinda forced into the interclass public speaking competition by Mr Samson D: I haven't gotten my script ready and I am here...typing this post...umm yeah... I don't want to go though. I mean I stutter alot when I'm nervous and I can guarantee I'll be the most person with nerves up there stuttering like there's no tomorrow! Plus it's so much pressure...I mean, I have like exams to study for(which I haven't started by the way and I am freaking out!!!!!!!!), boy problems, magazine committee thing, my weight and health. UGH ITS JUST A BUNCH OF BULLCRAP MAN.

Here are a few of my insecurities and stuff that I'm never confident in:

• My body
• My weight
• My voice
• My face
• My smile
• Studies
• boys
• never being good enough at anything
• I think I have no talent(no I am not joking)

Speaking of, come to think of it...I have no talent... I mean everyone of my friends are good in at least something and here I am, not knowing what I'm good in. Sucks to know that everyone has a solid talent or at least something they're good at! I mean, Ivy has piano and her studies and swimming, Xinjie has dancing, Kak has her first aid stuff and her awesome memory, Bev has her confidence in talking and taking new challenges and what not. Look at me, what do I have? I don't do anything! It's so frustrating growing up sometimes. Specially if you don't know what you're good at. I'm bad at sports. I have asthma. I'm not the best person in studies. I can't dance. I don't look like a model. I'm not confident...

All those "what if's" going through your mind...

Honestly this is just a pointless post don't you think? Aaaahhhhhhh I'm sorry for writing a pointless one. This is just to rant and get stuff outta my mind.


,xx

School Day

I know you're gonna be like omfg what?!?!?!?! Did she just titled her post School Day on a Saturday?!?!?!?! Yes? No. Okay well that's good. Um so yeah today was a school day. I guess they decided to replace an actual school day so that we'll have holidays that day... OK I made myself confused as well...

Moving on...

So hi! I just got back from a useless day at school(I'm not joking man. It really was pointless...We only had like a few lessons during the 6 periods there.). Prefect duty was so-so I guess. I don't know man..I didn't really have the mood today. So today was just boring. I don't know why but my class seems so free and stuff. I mean its like the teachers are constantly absent and everything. So we have tons of free periods doing nothing(I honestly wonder how our class is going to sit for the coming exams /facepalm). Pure nothing lol. Condolences to my history teacher and her family. Her dad passed away recently :( she hasn't been in school for a week or so now.

I hate the fact that I can't talk with Ivy as much as before :( Duties are getting in the way of everything! Thank God we have tuition together though... Bright side is Xinjie has been chosen as a prefect too! Best news is that she's in the same group as me!!!!(Yes I kinda prayed and hoped for it hehehehe thank you God for answering my prayers~) But still, I miss Ivy :( it's like niggaaaaaa why didn't they choose you?!?!?!?!?!?! I love you anyways so no worries!

So there's this new girl in my class... I don't know why but I just don't like her(yet). I mean, it seems that she's craving for attention acting all cute and shit with her smile pout or whatever that face is(ew ew ew lala alert). AND she is actually getting the attention. I mean like why wouldn't she pfft, she literally has the whole package(white skin, rosy cheeks, nice hair, big eyes, boobs.........., squeaky girly voice, thin body and all that). I don't know I just find it really annoying how all of the boys(and girls) are going gaga over her(especially a certain someone but let's not go there). Ughhhhhh just get over her will you guys(I know, I know, you guys think I'm jealous)(Idk man maybe I am maybe I'm not)(I can't answer that? lol)?

I hate clingy people. I hate people who back stab you or front stab or whatever kind of stab. If you wanna be my friend then do it and mean it. You don't have to go through the trouble of being a fake one then backstabbing me and shit. I mean, do you not have a life? Do you not have something else better to do with your life than invade mine? Seriously, do you need to stoop so low? I just plain hate people sometimes. If you don't like me or w/e then don't. Just move on and go on with your sad life. I'm not some train station or bus stop for you to stop along the way and hang and then just leave whenever you want to ok. Gosh you people are so immature sometimes. Words cannot describe my hate for you lot. And if you like her more then go lah. Go be with her lah. Since she's so ""pretty"" and ""nice"" and has ""boobs"". Go lah. Just leave before my feelings get the hold of me. I am confused ok. It's like one minute you make it seem like you might just like me just a little and the next you don't talk to me and just give me silent treatments. I feel like screaming in your fucking ear asking you to make up your mind. Don't make me feel this way. It's not cool and I don't want to feel this way. I hate having feelings sometimes. Having feelings make everything more complicated and shit. If only I had a way of locking away all my feelings, I would be so much happier...

I have this fear that she is going to take away everything I love from me. Friends and all... I've heard about her. About how good she is... Do you ever feel that way? Its like, its not jealousy, its just this fear of not being good enough. Of being replaced. Yes...replaced... I don't want to be replaced. I love everything I have now(even if they don't know it but I do)(I cherish all of you)(I especially do not want to lose you). I'm already so insecure about myself... Having her around makes everything worse. Sometimes I wish she was never here(I know its a selfish thought but yes I wish). I won't be able to handle being replaced fgfdsgahjkfdasghkl (I might just die)

I guess that's that for this post. Feeling super shitty right now... I miss talking to Ivy. Nigga I need you but you don't reply my texts :( Not to mention at school you always talk to Pris instead of me nowadays D: Shout out to Xinjie lol(I hope what you said about him is true hehehehehe)


, xx